Dear Santa:
By now, I’m sure you’ve gotten the bank-breaking wish lists from our three boys. Please help me out here. And while you’re at it, I’ve got a list of my own: one wish for each of the 12 days of Christmas.
First, for me:
1. I want a delicious craft beer at a Bud Light price. See #2 if you’re wondering why.
2. I need some kind of coupon for college tuitions. Like 20% off would be nice. Two-for-one would be even better. Our boys are 17, 15 and 9. For a couple of years, we’re going to be writing checks for two colleges at the same time. That’s a financial boa constrictor. I’m already gasping for breath.
3. I need to be in charge of all trades for the Patriots and the Celtics: Garropolo for a second rounder? No Anthony Davis yet? Clearly, I’m the only one seeing the big picture here. Bruins, you’re on your own.
4. I need to be the supervisor of all exterior Christmas decorating in and around Boston. I want to write tickets and levy fines. I’m still seeing those lawn inflatables lying tragically on the ground during the day. C’mon, it looks like a drive-by shooting. Please, people, keep it inflated! This is the second week in a row that we’ve talked about this. Don’t make me bring it up again.
5. I want more Twitter accounts for Trump. We all need a laugh when we wake up in the morning.
Now, for FCG:
6. I want more of those clean linen slipcovered sofas. If you have one, consign it with FCG. We can sell them! Again, see #2.
7. I need truth-in-consignment. Every week, I get an email like this: “My dining table is brand-new. I bought it when Reagan was President, but it’s been barely used.” New is new, people. That means purchased in 2017.
8. I’d like someone to breed a hypoallergenic, non-shedding cat that doesn’t scratch furniture or gouge upholstery. I’ve seen a lot of great pieces that were shredded by cats. You’d have loved them. It’s heartbreaking.
9. I want every husband to get the comfortable chair he wants positioned right in front of the TV. When he sees it in our showroom and his eyes light up and his wife frowns and says she has to call the interior designer, I want to take her phone away. Of course, the designer is going to say no. Let him have it! Every guy needs one.
10. I want every one of our employees to enjoy a wonderful holiday. They’ve earned it, providing the thoughtful and caring service you’ve come to expect all year round from FCG.
11. I want all of our customers to have a happy and healthy Christmas. I want them to drop by after the big day and use their 20%-off-one-item coupon before the end of the year. We’re open today, Saturday but we’re closed Sunday, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day.
12. I want another Super Bowl for the Patriots and an NBA Final for the Celtics. I’ve got my chair. Guys, all you have to do is ask Santa. I still believe.
